Alone For The Holidays


Holidays are hard when your a single mom. Ask anyone single for that matter, and it's a tough time of year. There are parties, which require dates. Getting a date, is the easy part it's getting rid of the guy, after the date. I only need a date for the actual party, so I'm not alone. I'm not looking to date, until my daughter goes to college. So after a date, I have two choices; another date with the guy, or I have to have the talk, and explain why I don't date, which turns into that awkward question, from the guy, then why are we on a date? Basically, dating is complicated.

Then there is the family get togethers. This year all of my family is gone on Thanksgiving, so that leaves my daughter and I alone. Then for Christmas, we will all be together at my brothers beach house in monarch bay. I'm not sure if I'm more lonely being alone on a holiday, or if I'm more lonely being with all of my family, who have spouses.  I always wonder about opening presents, and I'm the only one there that doesn't get the nice gift, from my significant other. So again I have two choices; do I buy myself a really nice gift that I can't really afford, and have Brianna give it to me, to avoid the awkwardness, or do I just sit there awkwardly, and comment, "how nice!"

There is something about this time of year, and all of the gifts, parties and getting together that makes me feel incredibly alone. Last week when I found out that my daughter, and I would be alone for Thanksgiving, I was really feeling sorry for myself. I started trying to figure out something that we could do to make the week fun, but anything I looked into was more than we could afford. It's a funny thing my daughter and I spend a lot of time together, and we pretty much do everything together. Yet, when it's actually a holiday, I feel incredibly alone, and it feels different from another normal day, of just me and my daughter.

A few days into my pity party I woke up early and saw a post from a friend of mine that was collecting things for 500 homeless people, that live at the Civic Center in Santa Ana. All this excitement came over me, because I love to help and serve. It has been one of the things, that has blessed me, and sustained me in my life. Whenever I start focusing on myself to much, I try and find someone that I can help. I become a big emotional mess, when I start going down the path of over analyzing and comparing myself to everyone else out there, in that great big world. Which was exactly what I was doing, with the holidays approaching fast.

I quickly took action, and posted on social media, and started texting in my groups and reaching out to all my people. I was amazed at all the response I got. I had people drop stuff off, and ask me to pick stuff up. I even had people Venmo me money, to buy some things. I'm always pleasantly surprised, by the amount of people that are willing to help. Over the last few weeks, I have been able to collect so much stuff, that I won't be able to take it all in my car. So here is a thank you shout out, to all my peeps that so generously gave. You have helped me, to keep a lot of homeless people warm, when the cold weather sets in. If you have stuff, and want to contribute, you have until November 21st.

As for me I'm feeling a lot better. Nothing has changed in my being alone for the holidays, but my focus changed and that has made all the difference. I was able to forget about myself and realize that all the things that make me feel different I can not really change at this point in my life. Yet, there are many things we can all do, that will change someone else's life. That something is helping, serving, and giving to someone else. So, if you find yourself focusing to much on all the stuff, that is not right in your life this holiday season, try reaching out to someone else, and offer some holiday spirit to them. My guess is holidays are hard for a lot of people. not just single moms, but if you know a single mom make her day this holiday season. I'm sure it wouldn't take much.