"There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious". -Carl Jung
We all have a place inside of us that's unbearable to touch. So we lock it away. Yoga has helped me to reach those places. Slowly, with yoga I have been able to open the hidden compartments of shame, grief, and trauma that I buried so deep inside of me.
My relationship with yoga is complicated. The first time I went to yoga I hated it. I couldn't wait to get out of that room. It was 90 minutes of pure hell. I won't be back I said.
My next attempt at yoga I cried the entire class. Tears streaming down my face. I won't be back. I came back and I continued to cry on my mat for more than a year.
Then the tears were gone. They had dried up and yoga was new life for me. I'm not sure what kept me going that year of crying. I wasn't sure what was happening to me but something about it felt right.
Yoga is the state where nothing is missing. The term satya means "truthfulness" in Sanskrit. So many of us are lying to ourselves: we're putting an identity out there that we want others to see. We are hiding from ourselves and those around us who we truly are. In truthfulness as in yoga, nothing is missing. We are present. We are whole. Yoga has helped to release me from the pain of my story and it has helped me to see who I am and what I am capable of becoming.
Yoga has taken me back to myself. It has helped me to realize that what I have been searching for my entire life is right here inside of me. All I have to do is stop running from it.
This Thanksgiving I am grateful for yoga.
Namaste, which means, "The deepest part of me acknowledges the deepest part of you."
Thank you to my amazing Yoga Tribe and to the teachers that have helped me find myself again.